Union Church

August 9 2009.
Ephesians 4:25-5:2

Most conflicts occur because we each have our reasons.
If we dislike someone we can usually clearly give a reason why - if not out loud, then certainly to ourselves. Now the older we get, the more opportunity we have to deal with anger and conflict.

So maybe you might not need this message, but I am certain there are family members and friends who do.

Paul is talking about conflict resolution for the Ephesian church family. As I said last week, avoiding conflict doesn’t resolve anything. We have to learn to manage it.
And it begins with the issue of anger.

Not withstanding what I just said, we Christians have a hard time dealing with anger, don’t we?
We don’t want to even admit that we get angry.

We often overlook the fact that, there were problems in the early church that Paul or John felt compelled to address.
One of our difficulties with anger is admitting that we even have it.
Another is admitting it to the appropriate person at the appropriate time, in an appropriate way.

We all experience anger, from the fury of being cut off in traffic, to the annoyance with someone, who shows up at the express lane of the grocery store with 20 items. And there is also the anger at a friend who lets us down. Not to mention the family member who always seems to mess up. Yet, we often do not know how to deal with this emotion in a healthy manner.

As I said before, the Ephesians’s reading this morning talks about conflict resolution in the early Church.

It tells us 3 things about resolving anger.
1. Be angry but do not sin.
2. Do not let the sun go down on your anger.
3. Do not make room for the devil. Rather be imitators of God.

Let’s go back to one: “Be angry but do not sin.”

Anger is a God given emotion.
Quantum physics tells us that it is merely energy surging through our organic body, which is neither good nor bad.
So don’t put a direction on it. When we direct our anger towards people or groups, we begin to sin.
You know what I mean, “they this.., they that.., you so and so.” Anger directed at others is the seed bed of prejudice and division: The blaming game.
Anger directed at yourself denies God’s grace, goodness and love in your life. That too is sin.

Anger, like guilt, acts like a warning light on the dashboard telling us to check out an operating aspect of what drives our relationships.
Hating or blaming the motor of our car when the engine light comes on won’t get us to our destination.
Likewise hating or blaming the other person will not restore our relationships.

So anger can help us become aware of a situation but it doesn’t correct the situation.

The first Application for Today is:

Don’t put a direction on your anger, let it go.

Affirmation for the Week:

I take a deep breath.
In the goodness of God’s Creation, I recognize there is an issue to be addressed.

The second thing “Do not let the sun go down on your anger.”

Anger must be dealt with, in the context of the day. Whatever carries over into the next day is another plank in the wall that divides us from others.
Anger is not to be an end in itself. It is a secondary emotional response to some perceived threat.
Face up to what is going on.
Or find out if the threat is real or just imagined.
Then you can sort out what is just fear and what is actually fact and do something.

Remember, anger has a short shelf life. It is unstable and can go bad quickly.

The second Application for Today:

Deal with the threat, real or otherwise.
Then engage the situation while it is still fresh.

Affirmation for the Week:

I trust that the Universe is a friendly place.
I have courage to face what each day brings.

Song: Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me. Elton John

The third thing is “Do not make room for the devil.”

Through unresolved anger, we can harbour grudges, nurture resentments, and stew in our own corrosive juices. Anger can resurface inappropriately in a flash or develop into a chronic, long burning resentment which keeps us locked in unhealthy situations, judgements and memories of the past.
Whatever the case, we create a place, we make a room for the demonic; the unredeemed dimensions of our inner lives that seek revenge and retribution that grows and tends the root of bitterness.
We cannot forgive and we cannot forget.

Something I learned from a book on leadership is:
“Never attribute to malice what can be explained by stupidity.”
In other words, most things that make us angry are inadvertent human errors or limitations. There are not very many people out there plotting our downfall so let’s lighten up.

The third Application for Today:

Give up on conspiracy theories. Let your anger go.

Affirmation for the week:

Like me, (insert name) is a child of God.
I approach (insert name )in the spirit of love.

Living cooperatively in community is not easy, yet, I believe that God wants us to do just that.

God wants us to build healthy communities, to work out our relationships for the greater good of humanity.
God weeps with us in the depths of our anguish all the while compassionately loving us and including us in God’s concern.
But God does ask, God does challenge us to live with the same kind of compassion.
To risk one more time when the going seems so rough.

Ephesians tells us to imitate God.
Imitating God means having an including spirit.
Imitating God is more than just feeling good.
It is doing the loving thing in the face of anger.
It is forgiving in the face of wrongs done against us.
It is all part of being children of God within a family of faith.
This will renew the Church and bless our families and communities.